Loneliness

Has anybody made a bad decision based on a lonely feeling? Forget about the bad decision for a moment, has anybody just ever felt lonely!

Loneliness is more than just being alone by yourself, it is truly a state of mind. It is very possible to be amongst a huge crowd of people and still feel lonely.

Loneliness can develop out of several different circumstances. For example, loneliness may develop through defeat, getting rejected, feeling like you can't live up to an expectation, or simply because you have made a stand to not conform to this world and you feel alone in your stance.

Loneliness can trap us, if we are not careful. For example, someone may want companionship so much that they will give it and accept it from just about anyone. Many times from the wrong person. This is so prevalent; some people yearn so much for a connection that when someone appears to give it to them, they give them their emotions, time, and energy. What is the outcome if they come across the wrong person? They feel more lonely/confused than previously before.

You know how we increase our chances of making a bad decision when we are not in the "right state of mind?" Because loneliness is a state of mind, we must be careful of making a decision we may regret.

You feel lonely so you go back to talking to that "friend" you know that isn't right for you, but because you want attention you go back anyway. Or you feel lonely so you go back to that addiction that you broke away from, but now because of how you feel, you crawl back to it.

Consider Jeremiah 15:17-18 (NLT),
^"17 I never joined the people in their merry feasts.
      I sat alone because your hand was on me.
      I was filled with indignation at their sins.
 ¹⁸ Why then does my suffering continue?
      Why is my wound so incurable?
   Your help seems as uncertain as a seasonal brook,
      like a spring that has gone dry.”

I enjoy this verse so much, because it is so real! There are many times where we have doubted God and we say that His help is "uncertain."

Jeremiah accused God of not helping him when he was at a lonely time in his life. Jeremiah began to take his eyes off God's plan and purpose and began to focus on his feelings. I would encourage you to take a look at how God responds to Jeremiah in verses 19-21. Instead of responding with anger, God simply answered by rearranging Jeremiah's priorities! WOW!

PRIORITIES! Hold tight to your standards and convictions, don't compromise based on a lonely feeling.

But, consider these words from the One who was alone, but never was lonely (Jesus Christ). John 16:32-33 says:

^"32 But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. ³³ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Picture from:
http://mypraiseatl.com/files/2011/01/loneliness1.jpg

Lust (The P-Word)

So here is a "touchy" subject. Probably one of the most ignored subjects. My prayer is that this post will give God all the glory in any way possible. Honestly, I had to be "real" on this one, because I am tired of seeing this subject have a choke hold on so many individuals.

Sometimes I think "we" tend to use the word lust in broad terms. Most young men will say that they struggle with lust, because they may feel it sounds safe. Why? Because we guys know that most other guys struggle with lust also. However, let's get more specific...

 Pornography...

I am not going to give statistics of how much money the porn industry makes, truth is many of us know how prevalent sex has become in our society. However, it is almost frightening and disturbing how easy and accessible it has become to watch other people have sex. In its essence that is basically what porn is. I myself was first introduced to a form of pornography back in middle school. A boy brought a picture from some website into the locker room and starting showing others. That moment forward, a vicious cycle and struggle occurred within me as I was in this battle against pornography.

Of course, I tried to justify it, "Well it's not like I am having sex, or am involved with a 'plethora' amount of young ladies like other people I know, so what I am doing is 'not that bad'" WRONG. From my experience, I want to be real and explain how pornography has perpetuated other bad characteristics that have had a negative effect in my life, but the redemptive grace and power from God is able to change a Test into Testimony! 

1) Sneakiness:
Now looking back, to the point where you have to sneak to go on the computer so your parents would not catch you, is when the addiction starts. You know what your doing is wrong and involves risk, but because you got away with it once, you think you can get away with it again and again. When you know something involves a great risk, but still continue to engage in the activity because you have a craving for it; is when addiction starts. You are basically disregarding risk and consequences just for pleasure. This is a dangerous state to be in when regarding to any addiction.

2) Lying:
So not only was sneakiness prevalent, I began to start justifying what I was doing by lying. Lying and not developing an accurate view of a circumstance we may be struggling with, is a huge indicator of Pride. Humility is having an accurate view of yourself; it means truly "knowing yourself." Authenticity is an important aspect to develop in combating against a struggle.

Porn is unrealistic and provides a cloudy view on reality. For example:
-Porn provides sex, without any emotion involved. However, the opposite is the reality.  
-Porn provides an unrealistic and perverted view on women. Women are degraded and seen as objects rather than people.
-Porn is an empty substitute for real love or satisfaction.

Consider 1 John 2:16:
^"16 For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world."

1 John 2:16 gives 3 main categories of sin: They are 1) The lust of the flesh. 2) The lust of the eyes. 3) Pride. Pornography definitely causes us to lust after flesh and certainly causes us to lust with our eyes.

And what about thoughts?

Philippians 4:8 says, "And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thouhgts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." I am pretty sure that pornography does not fit into any of these categories.

1 Corinthians 6:12 says,
 ¹² You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything."

A slave to "anything." Even though we may feel the freedom to do anything, ask yourself does it truly edify! Galatians 5:13 tells us that even though we are called to freedom, do NOT use your freedom as an opportunity to fulfill your sinful desires.

So how can you overcome a struggle?

First, recognize that it is a problem, and that you need help! Pride is so dangerous, because it wants us to think we can overcome an addiction or struggle by ourselves. Last year I told my parents about my struggle. Instead of facing guilt and resistance they have been very beneficial in being good accountability people.

Second, seek GOD. Trust that He has the power to help you overcome a struggle. Confess your sin to Him and ask Him to renew and transform your mind (Romans 12:1-2).

Third, ask God to equip you with holiness.1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 says,

 ³ God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. ⁴ Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—

Let the Spirit control your lives.

Galatians 5:16-17:
¹⁶ So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. ¹⁷ The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.

Recommended links: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaSF_Rk2MGs

Picture from:
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/static/uploads/courses/header_images/way-of-purity.gif

Naivety (Impulses)

"Beware of settling for what looks good at the expense of what's best."

This was the quote I read today as a result of doing a daily devotional by Erin Keeley Marshall.

Deep, right? I would say so. It is sometimes amazing/disturbing how we can make hasty decisions just based on what WE feel is best for us. We lack the patience and the discipline to wait for God's direction. We don't want to wait for what God has for us, because waiting is just not "fun" and in many aspects it is very uncomfortable. I know I have made decisions based on loneliness, accomdation, and impulses. To summarize it, we make decisions based on impulses when we take God out of the equation. Let's refer to Judges 14.

Samson, known as the strongest man in history. Although he had great strength, and although God used him, Samson thrived and lived on his impulses. Great strength in one area of life, does not make up for great weaknesses in other areas in our life.

So Judges 14:1-3, a Philistine women immediately caught Samson's eye. He told his father and mother that he wanted to marry her:

 ¹ One day when Samson was in Timnah, one of the Philistine women caught his eye. ² When he returned home, he told his father and mother, “A young Philistine woman in Timnah caught my eye. I want to marry her. Get her for me.”

 ³ His father and mother objected. “Isn’t there even one woman in our tribe or among all the Israelites you could marry?” they asked. “Why must you go to the pagan Philistines to find a wife?”

   But Samson told his father, “Get her for me! She looks good to me.”

This was not the first woman Samson was attracted to which ultimately led him to destruction (Delilah: Judges 16). I would advise you all to continue reading Judges 14, to see the end result of this "marriage." However, to briefly sum it up:

Naivety + Sudden Impulses + Lust X Our Understanding - God = Bad Decisions/Results.

However, Samson's story does not end up in tradegy. His story teaches us that even though we have failed in the past, it is not to late for us to put our complete trust in God. Despite Samson's decisions, God was still able to use them to fulfill His purpose. To counteract against Naivity: Discernment (Wisdom). James 1:5-6 says,

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. ⁶ But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind."

Ask God to help us in areas that we may lack wisdom in, but be confident and sure that when we ask, our faith is completely in Him! Discernment in God will help us to consider whether something merely "appears good" or is God's ultimate paramount.

"Know that when you seek anything of your own, you will never find God, because you do not seek God purely. You are seeking something along with God, and you are acting just as if you were to make a candle out of God in order to look for something with it. Once one finds the things one is looking for, one throws the candle away. --Meister Eckhart.