When I was younger I was enrolled into speech classes. Much of my pre-school years I remember spending much time in classes to better improve my speech and pronunciation. This may seem normal considering my age, but I was also told by dentists and doctors that I would have a lisp and that it would cause problems for me as I grew older. Even to this day I have extra tissue on the bottom of my tongue.
Due to trouble of speech, I grew up to be self-conscious and insecure about my voice. I actually didn't like my voice. I didn't like how it sounded, to me my voice was just drawn out, slow, and robotic. So to solve the problem, I decided that being quiet was the best option. I remember purposely not speaking, because of the insecurity I faced with my voice. I was naturally shy when I was younger, so my added choice of not speaking contributed to my insecurity. Of course by that time I was at an age when I was expected to speak when adults or others talked to me. My parents would always patiently encourage me to break free from my comfort zone, but fear and insecurity choked the reality of seeming like I could break free. BUT...
I still remember one situation very clearly. I was at church, and a lady asked me something. Instead of speaking out I just simply nodded my head. The lady proceeded to say that she heard my "rattles." Basically it was a smart way of saying that she could hear my head rattling louder than my voice. This comment further fueled my insecurity, but it also fueled me to overcome.
Now looking back, the internal battle I faced with my voice was a major factor to my insecurities in high school. By God's grace I was finally able to receive true salvation and develop a relationship with Christ before my journey into college. As several people know my first poem I ever wrote or shared was in a mandatory speech class in college. I was faced with one of my biggest obstacles, but I knew I could do all things through Christ who gives me strength! To make a long story short, God has blessed me with the opportunity to share my gift of poetry to many churches, people, and venues. He also has allowed me to SPEAK to youth and adults alike. I don't brag when I share this, but it is only to give glory to an all-powerful God who had a unique plan beyond what I thought was my reality.
My gift couldn't be revealed until my complete source of confidence came from an all-powerful God. Despite my confidence, that doesn't mean I don't feel nervous or insecure, but now I know where my insecurity lies. Like the blog says. I went from Insecurity to In Security.
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